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We’ve All Jumped Off The Bridge
Remember when your parents would facetiously ask, “If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?” Well, that questions plays out every day on the internet, and its called Twitter. In its brief history, Twitter’s created social change, grassroots movements, and awareness for global issues. It’s also where you can find terrorist activity, bullying, and the overall depths of human vitriol. You can catch up on sports, politics, and world news all while learning five new dick jokes during your morning coffee. Twitter is not a thing; it is merely a place to put and find things. However, on occasion Twitter will buzz with activity on a single topic,…
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Does This Make Sense?
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? How many times can a politician imply that “if you’re not terrified of ISIS, you’re a pussy” before realizing that literally makes no sense? Why are religious zealots so concerned with the unborn, yet have no sympathy for the living? How does Scientology exist in the information age when there are people still alive who know how its creator liked his coffee? If wages are stagnant and profits are at record highs, why did a Big Mac combo jump from $5 to almost $10 within my lifetime? Do privatization advocates who say “rising tides…
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Ted Cruz: Comedic Genius?
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) If you’ve ever watched a political pundit’s head explode, then you’ve experienced Ted Cruz. The Canadian born Texas Senator recently announced his intentions to run for President of the United States, but it wasn’t until he revealed his platform that it all began to make sense. Ted Cruz is known as the wild card of the Republican party, but mostly as its idiotic, Libertarian brother. From spearheading a government shutdown to playing chicken with Department of Homeland Security’s funding, Ted Cruz is often the answer when frustrated voters ask, “What the f&%k is wrong with these people?” Unabashed by criticism, Cruz marches through scandals wilfully ignorant…
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Elections 2015: What The Niqab Are They Talking About?
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) If you’ve been following the 2015 federal elections, then you’ve most likely learned a new word this week as politicians fall over themselves in the great niqab debate. Recently, Federal Judge Keith Boswell struck down the Conservative law mandating all face-covering veils be removed during the Canadian citizenship oath. While not citing the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, Judge Boswell merely deemed the rule unlawful, which saw an immediate appeal filed by the Prime Minister’s Office. To quote the great Stephen Colbert, that’s when things became “batshit serious.” First up were Conservatives, who claim they’re defending women’s rights from oppressive religious practices. Unfortunately, after months of…
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Town Bans Charter of Rights and Freedoms
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) The town of Birdbuzz, Alberta, sent shockwaves across the nation today as local councillors celebrate a historic 7-0 bylaw vote banning the Charter of Rights and Freedoms from the county. “This is such a liberating day,” explains councillor Bundy. “Finally the residents of Birdbuzz can experience true freedom.” This is not the first time Birdbuzz’s bylaws have been in the news. The county has seen several former bylaws struck down by both provincial and federal courts, including: banning atheism, yellow cars, and dentistry replacing dodge ball in elementary schools with weapons training “Christian’s only” parking spaces making three-point shots illegal in high school basketball 7 p.m.…
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Elections 2015: Full Bush
BY: FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) We’re not in Kansas anymore, or America for that matter. As the Canadian federal elections gear up in 2015, one party has already separated themselves from the pack. However, instead of leading by a large margin, they’re sticking out like a sore thumb. Running on the platform of tax cuts for the rich and superior security from terrorism, many Canadians find themselves wondering, “Why does this feel so familiar?” Jump back to 2004 and you’ll find the answer. The Conservatives have gone full George Bush. The parallels are uncanny. A less than popular leader who can’t see the forest for the trees, surrounded by business friends…
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GM Buys Detroit, Declares Bankruptcy, Receives Bailout
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) Detroit is no longer bankrupt; General Motors is. Kind of. In a radical move from the automaker, GM purchased Detroit, which is currently filed under bankruptcy protection as a city. After purchasing the city and all of its debt, GM then turned around and declared bankruptcy themselves, prompting the Canadian and US federal governments to once again step in with a taxpayer-funded bailout. “GM is a North American institution that provides thousands of jobs to Americans and Canadians,” explain GM officials. “Allowing us to go insolvent would be massively detrimental to those economies.” Detroit began filing for bankruptcy protection in July of 2013, and has faced…
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Death of a “News” Network
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) It’s a great day for ethical media, or the end of democracy as we know it. It depends on who you ask. After several years of controversy and opinion-first reporting, on February 13, 2015, the ultra-right media station Sun News Network left Canadian airwaves with a whimper. Though its time was short, the fledgling network left a strong impression on supporters of both conservative and liberal values. “It’s a staggering blow to democracy,” proclaims Hubert Grumpins of Red Deer, Alberta. “For years Canadians were trapped with left-wing, socialist news networks like the CBC. It was a privilege to finally have a news station that spoke to…
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Christ Returns, Runs For President, Loses in Landslide
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) It’s finally happened! After centuries of waiting, Jesus Christ returned to earth and immediately set his sights on the most powerful position of influence in the world: President of the United States. And that’s when things went horribly wrong. In a glorious display of political novice, Christ was unable to connect with his target demographic at every stop on the Republican primary trail, leaving pundits to question whether Jesus miscalculated who his followers are. In Iowa, the return of Christ was met with great fanfare. Holding his own in the debates, things quickly went south for Jesus when it was discovered he had spent the day…
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How Opinion Became Belief
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) “Opinions are dead and the era of beliefs is upon us.” That is the theme to this year’s philosophy and society conference in Toronto, Canada, where many great minds came to debate the perceived merging of opinion and belief. “It’s a subtle, yet significant change,” explains Johnny Deepthought, philosophy professor from Laurentian University. “An opinion used to be an idea you agreed with, but weren’t committed to. Now everyone has beliefs and the misconception that beliefs are protected from scrutiny, even though most of their ‘beliefs’ are opinions. Everyone knows someone who doesn’t ‘believe’ in cell phones. What they mean is they don’t think they’re necessary,…