Cats own the Internet and our lives. They are adorable balls of fur and nature’s perfect killing machine. Unique and undecipherable creatures, they are the inspiration of writers, artists, and hundreds of memes. If you are planning to welcome a cat into your life, these are the things you most likely will win and lose. #caturday
Unless you lock the bathroom or bedroom door, cats have the inevitable urge to check on you. They want to make sure the human is still alive; they need someone to feed them and worship them. If you decided to leave the door open, they would be judging the strange way you clean yourself (with water!), will participate in making the bed by fighting the bedsheets, and will interrupt any other activity that you had started without inviting them.
Win: Learn keyboard shortcuts
As soon as a cat is on top of your keyboard, you will discover unexpected functions of your computer. Hopefully, you are used to backing up your files; otherwise, this will be your first lesson. You will learn how to undo whatever Fluffy did when stretching his paws; it is like solving a puzzle that involves rescuing your three-months research for your thesis. By the end, you will look very professional using those shortcuts in your next class or work meeting. In any case, do not forget to remove all the cat hair from the keyboard.
Lose: Forget about that nice sweater
When wearing that beautiful cashmere sweater, beware! Those adorable fluffy paws come with the sharpest claws you will find, and they would love to feel every single texture of your wardrobe. It is better to play safe by wearing comfy clothes at home and save your favourite pieces to wear just before you leave home. Maybe the lesson cats are teaching us is to save money; or possibly, they have a much better sense of fashion and holes are trendy every single season.
Win: The most accurate alarm clock
Although most humans make sure to leave their bowls full at night and pet them, cats love to complain, particularly in the early mornings. They get used to doing the same things at the same time, and when morning complaints begin, it is virtually impossible to change their minds. So you better use this in your favour and wake up early to do some yoga or read a book, but never forget to feed and pet them first.
There is no need to explain this any further: a cat owns you, it is not the other way around. So they will do whatever it pleases them, and they will never take no for an answer. You could try blackmailing them with treats or toys, but think for one minute: are you really making Felix work for treats, or is he manipulating you to give them away?
Win: Cat gifts
Cats will find a way to show you their appreciation by giving you the most thoughtful present: their prey. They vary from toys to mice and birds and, in the most “Godfatheresque” way, you could find some critter under your bedsheets. This is love, of some sort. They are hunting and giving you their prey because they care for the lousy human who cannot hunt.
Lose: Disk space on your phone
It only takes some seconds after Simba is napping, that the paparazzi in you appears. He curls up, and you have taken twenty pictures so far. A detail of his beans, the smirk on his mouth, there is not enough phone capacity for a cat lover. But you better work fast, as soon as he wakes up, it is like trying to photograph a lightning bolt.
Win: Your own interior designer
Pristine sofas and detailed rugs are so last season. Cats will try to make you realize how bad of an interior designer you are and will start redecorating right away using their claws or fangs. They are proactive and will not let you take part in the process, not even by tempting them with scratchers or toys. They will always have the last word.
Win-win: Having a cat
Cats are known for their independence and are sometimes portrayed as mean, aggressive pets. But when you share your space and live with them, you will find their uniqueness, and in most cases, the bond created is a strong one. You will learn about love and company when you have a cat.
All photos by otto_von_katze