Going home…


It’s 9:30 PM, it’s freezing outside, I’ve got two big boxes, my purse, and my lunch pail in my hands and I’m rushing to get to the crosswalk before the light changes. I’m done a 10-hour shift working at the mall during the Christmas season and I’m on my way home. Not home to my apartment. I’m going home, back to my hometown. Back to Norwich.

I haven’t been home since Thanksgiving, but I have two days off and I’m not staying in Toronto when I haven’t seen my family in what feels like forever. They don’t know that I’m making the trip home. As far as they know I will be home for Christmas and Boxing Day and then I have to go back to my retail job. It will be 11 PM by the time I get home and they might already be asleep, but I don’t care.

Being away from home for almost five years has it definite advantages. No one to tell you to clean, to ask you where you’re going, to lecture you after you drank a little too much and made a fool of yourself, but it also sucks because you have no one to clean up after you, to fix your car, to help you find that thing that you lost, to cook for you, to match your socks after they get washed. It also sucks because you don’t get to see the people you’re used to seeing everyday, who raised you, who always knew what to do, and what to say.

At first leaving was hard, and I missed home like crazy. I thought that I would be in Windsor until Thanksgiving when I first moved, but I only lasted a week and both my mom and I needed me to come home, so she made the five hour round trip to come and get me, so that I could come home for the weekend. As the years passed the time between my home visits increased and eventually I didn’t have a plan for when I would be home. After moving to Toronto I’ve basically stopped going home, except for during major holidays. I don’t feel like a student anymore. I feel like a real grownup but working and school has made it difficult finding time to get home, and really there is more going on in Toronto anyways.

But as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I appreciate my parents and my friends back home now more than ever. I miss having my mom around just so that we can talk about how our day went, and because she is always up to do whatever with me, whether it’s going shopping, or to see a movie, or even if she’s just there to support me on my televisions show choice, when my dad complains about watching another dress show. That’s something that I miss about my dad. His jokingly whiny voice whenever I’m watching a girly show, or checking my car for oil and tire pressure before I leave to come back to the city, or his playful boxing if I’m trying to get by him.

Not having those little things means being independent, having a separate life that doesn’t intersect as much as it used to and I think that I’m getting there, but I still rely on them so much that it seems like I’ll never be able to live without them. I guess that’s what missing someone actually feels like, but for right now I don’t need to worry about that and I can just focus on what’s going on right now. And right now I’m coming home.

One Comment

  • Connie Jacques

    i only have 1 word ….BEAUTIFUL!
    What an amazing story! Brought tears to my eyes ! you do have such amazing parents girl and I can’t believe how much you have grown from my memories of sweet little Jenny . Lk at you now ! All grown up into a fine , gorgeous, responsible young women . I missed watching you grow up Where did the time go? So busy “dealing” with our own “crap” ! That’s the sad part about divorce I did not leave my “family” , I left a man who was a part of that “family” . NEVER in my wildest dreams did I ever “want” this to happen but it did ! And unfortunately I also lost many people who I loved with all my heart 🙁 that’s the saddest part of it all . I miss you Jenny , and your brother Drew 🙁 you guys always had a special place in my heart. Your mom and dad too . I was always the “sister” who stuck up for your mom when she was your age . Knowing about parties she was attending and vowing secrecy so she wouldn’t get “caught” LOL!!! I miss her
    Just want you to know that you still do have that special price in my heart …….always will.
    Even though I’m not there visually know that you are in my thoughts often . You where blessed to get the parents you did “doll face” and they, blessed to have you .
    Thankgod for Facebook ! As I can still “see” how you’s have changed . Thank you for sharing ! It means the world to me …..more than you will ever know .
    Xoxoxoxoxoxo Love
    “Aunt” Connie

Leave a Reply