BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso)
If you’ve ever watched a political pundit’s head explode, then you’ve experienced Ted Cruz. The Canadian born Texas Senator recently announced his intentions to run for President of the United States, but it wasn’t until he revealed his platform that it all began to make sense.
Ted Cruz is known as the wild card of the Republican party, but mostly as its idiotic, Libertarian brother. From spearheading a government shutdown to playing chicken with Department of Homeland Security’s funding, Ted Cruz is often the answer when frustrated voters ask, “What the f&%k is wrong with these people?” Unabashed by criticism, Cruz marches through scandals wilfully ignorant to the idea he might be wrong. From that, he announced his platform: A return to the Constitution and Christian values in government. Brilliant.
To the untrained eye this seems like every other political slogan, but if you looked at Ted Cruz from a comedic perspective, he could just be the funniest man alive.
Blending the Constitution with Christian values seems ideologically pleasing, as long as you never read the first rule of the Constitution, which demands the separation of church and state. While this may seem like just another oversight, when added to his history of political blunders, a larger comedic pattern emerges.
Ted Cruz was a leading force in the “Birther” movement, in which he demanded Barack Obama release his birth certificate to prove the President was a true blooded American. While Barack Obama was born in Hawaii, Ted Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. When it first became public knowledge Mr. Cruz had dual citizenship, he vowed to renounce his Canadian side as a commitment to America. He then ignored that promise for months, blaming “Canadian bureaucracy” for the delay. The Canadian government then embarrassed Mr. Cruz by explaining all he needed to do was download a PDF from their website and sign it, and he’d no longer be Canadian.
Then there is his campaign. Ted Cruz runs on the idea government should be smaller and do less, beating political opponents with a “vote for me and I’ll make sure nothing gets done” philosophy. Try putting that on a resume.
Most recently, in protest of President Obama’s executive order on immigration that would help millions of illegal immigrants become documented, Ted Cruz worked tirelessly to defund the Department of Homeland Security, which among other responsibilities, monitors the borders to prevent illegal immigration.
Combine this with his Canadian heritage—the land that produced comedic greats such as Martin Short, Leslie Nielsen, and Mike Myers—and one begins to wonder if Ted Cruz hasn’t created the greatest character of all.
A blend of Andy Kaufman’s irony with Stephen Colbert’s simple minded conservative values, Ted Cruz embarks on his next journey: running for President of the United States. Will he win? Who knows. Could he turn around laughing at any time and say “I can’t believe you fell for all of that”? Absolutely.