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How to Give Up Your Guilty Pleasure During Lent
I was raised Anglican. For those who are unfamiliar with the religion, Anglican is basically like being Catholic but we have no pope. Just the Queen herself. For years I watched as my family made the promise on Pancake Tuesday to give something up for 40 days. When I came of age, I tried to give up something different every year. One year I gave up meat; another, gluten and dairy; and last year I gave up shopping. To make the promise of giving up something you love can sound daunting, but I have some tips for you to succeed. Formulate a Plan First and foremost, you need a plan.…
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Christ Returns, Runs For President, Loses in Landslide
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) It’s finally happened! After centuries of waiting, Jesus Christ returned to earth and immediately set his sights on the most powerful position of influence in the world: President of the United States. And that’s when things went horribly wrong. In a glorious display of political novice, Christ was unable to connect with his target demographic at every stop on the Republican primary trail, leaving pundits to question whether Jesus miscalculated who his followers are. In Iowa, the return of Christ was met with great fanfare. Holding his own in the debates, things quickly went south for Jesus when it was discovered he had spent the day…
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How Opinion Became Belief
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) “Opinions are dead and the era of beliefs is upon us.” That is the theme to this year’s philosophy and society conference in Toronto, Canada, where many great minds came to debate the perceived merging of opinion and belief. “It’s a subtle, yet significant change,” explains Johnny Deepthought, philosophy professor from Laurentian University. “An opinion used to be an idea you agreed with, but weren’t committed to. Now everyone has beliefs and the misconception that beliefs are protected from scrutiny, even though most of their ‘beliefs’ are opinions. Everyone knows someone who doesn’t ‘believe’ in cell phones. What they mean is they don’t think they’re necessary,…
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Report: Afterlife Nothing Like Advertised
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) “I’d make the best of what you have now, because you’re going to be quite disappointed when you get there.” That is the advice given by Michael Gibbons, who recently experienced eternity after poorly hung Christmas lights fell into his eggnog, leaving him legally dead for 15 minutes. “There’s gum everywhere,” explains Mr. Gibbons, “and when you ask about the gum, everyone’s like ‘who gets to heaven and wants to clean up gum? It’s heaven, do whatever you want.'” While the gum situation was a small damper on his experience, there was a much larger problem Mr. Gibbons was unprepared for. “Everyone’s kind of a dick,”…
