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The 6 Types of Friends We All Have in a Lifetime
BY BEATRIZ SANCHEZ We deal with hundreds of people in our daily lives, but only some stick around long enough to call them ‘friends’. Of all those friends, there are different types. These are the most common ones: The one who always cancels Half the time, this friend will call to cancel plans, and that’s if he actually remembers to call! You know that if a better offer comes along he will bail on you, but you keep him around because when he actually shows, this friend is fun to be around. The brutally honest one This is the friend you go to when you need a reality check. You…
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Study: Anti-Marijuana Ads Increase Sales
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) Canadian drug dealers have one thing to say about government anti-marijuana ads. Thank you! The Canadian government has launched a new anti-marijuana campaign to the delight of drug dealers across Canada who say the new ads have business booming. “I haven’t seen sales like these since the Blink 182 concert of 2003,” claims one anonymous dealer. “I used to give this shit away when making other sales, now I cant keep it in stock. It’s great.” The Canadian government decided to start its anti-marijuana campaign despite recent public opinion’s sway towards legalization, and widespread acceptance of the social drug as safe and harmless. Experts say the…
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13 Things You Should Have By the Time You Are 30
BY BEATRIZ SANCHEZ 1) The right hair style When you’re in your 20’s, it’s understandable if you haven’t found the hairstyle that best fits your face and personality. But you cannot hit 30 and still do your hair like prince charming—nobody finds that sexy! 2) Something different to wear to a wedding, funeral and job interview Because it’s frowned upon to wear the same dress to your aunt’s funeral and your cousin’s wedding. 3) An idea of what you need in a partner It’s not about dating a pretty face or a tight ass anymore. 4) Your own place It hits a certain age where it’s just wrong to know…
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Super Bowl XLIX: Battle of Epic Proportions
BY KARA STEYN Glendale, Arizona will play host to thousands of football fans this Sunday, February 1, for Super Bowl XLIX. The Seattle Seahawks will battle the New England Patriots for the NFL’s highest honour. The Seahawks are defending champions, having beat the Broncos last year. However, the Patriots are looking for a post-season comeback as they have been without a Super Bowl victory since 2005. Be sure to mark this one down in the history books, folks. Both teams have had similar seasons. The Patriots faced a lot of criticism for their lacklustre start, especially quarterback Tom Brady. They fought their way back and became AFC champions (winning 45-7…
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Best Picture Review: The Grand Budapest Hotel
BY LISA BASNETT Fans of quirky, deft director Wes Anderson will delight in his ever-distinctive style of direction and writing in The Grand Budapest Hotel. Anderson’s film begins in a grand hotel in 1932 and traipses through mountainous personal and geological territory. Featuring an effete Casanova/concierge played by Ralph Fiennes, newcomer Tony Revolori disarmingly as a hotel lobby boy and Saoirse Ronan as his beguiling love thing, the film is acted as gloriously as it’s staged. A wonderful turn by Adrien Brody (at his greasiest) and Willem Defoe (at his most frightening) provide the film’s truly creepy antagonists. The lushly detailed visuals are equaled by the simultaneous whimsy and depth…
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Saturday’s reflection
BY JENNY WILSON It’s a Saturday night and I’m sitting in my apartment watching some documentary on famous crimes in history, writing this blog and munching on dry cereal. I know, my Saturdays are pretty wild. I’m also busy snapchatting one of my childhood friends. She’s up north with my family on a snowmobiling trip. It’s something that we do every year as a trio of families. I wasn’t even a year old the first time my parents strapped me into a baby Arctic Cat snowsuit, trucked me up north and plopped me on a snowmobile. I haven’t missed a year since. We always go with the same two families,…
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Preparing Your Pooch For Winter
Keep your dog healthy and warm through the winter months BY RACHEL DESPRES Even at the age of 11, Trinity, a female golden retriever, still loves rolling around in snow. Owner Janis Johnson-Schiedel says, “Even when it’s cold and her feet get cold she doesn’t want to come in.” Just like people, dogs are affected by the frigid temperatures of the winter months, so it’s important to ensure your dog is properly equipped for the change of season. On the Danforth spoke with a registered veterinary technician and a pet store manager for their advice on how to help you and your pup prepare for the great white outdoors.…
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Federal Election Debate To Include Talent Show
BY FRANK RUSSO (@ComedyRusso) The 2015 campaign trail just became a whole lot more interesting. By popular demand, Elections Canada has added a talent show portion to the federal election debate. “Recent voter turnout has not been good,” explains Tim Donut of Elections Canada. “The Canadian government has always been open to innovation, and with the success of talent shows such as American Idol and Canada’s Got Talent, we thought, ‘why not politics?'” While controversial, the new addition to the debates has sparked a renewed interest in the national election. “I think it’s wonderful,” says Allanah Smith from North Bay, Ontario. “Politicians are no different than Miss Universe contestants if…
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Best Picture Review: Whiplash
Ever since the Nominees for the 87th Academy Awards were announced last week, the industry has been abuzz with speculation on who was snubbed, who deserves a win, whose campaign was the most effective– you get the idea. Here at On the Danforth Online, we decided we would watch all the nominees for Best Picture and review them for your benefit. All in the interest of good journalism, of course– nothing to do with avoiding that slush pile of paper called “work.” Leading up to the awards on February 22nd, look out for a review or two a week (tagged: And the Oscar Goes To…) to get you all caught…
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The Adopted Coffee Table
BY FRANCISCO MACIEL Peoples first reaction when I mentioned I’d be moving in with a girl was that we’d end up dating, together, fucking, or in some way in a messy situation. They weren’t wrong but they weren’t right either. Living with someone of the opposite sex is like a sexless marriage in some respects. You pick furniture together, you split house chores between the two of you, you cook dinner together, and you help each other pick outfits. She’d go on job interviews and have me help her with picking out an outfit. I’d shave my beard and ask for her input for how it’d look better. This sexless…
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